So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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