I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
