Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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