your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Randomize
