i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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