I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
