i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
