I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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