all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
