if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
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