youre lurking in front of me
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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