I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Randomize
