ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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