nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
