Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
