I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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