Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
