My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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