Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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