Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
