Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
