This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Randomize
