Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
