He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
