i don't like sucking hair
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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