holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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