You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
