OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
