Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
