Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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