I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
