You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Randomize
