I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
