Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
