Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
