Have you finally orgasmed yet?
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
