Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
