omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
