I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
