I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
