In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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