My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
May the power of my ass compel you!!
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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