I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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