I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
