I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
