you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
