I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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