ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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