So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
