You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
