Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
